So sleepy

Good grief I am sleepy. I mean, seriously - I could just lay my head over on my desk and sleep for a while. That's pretty much all i want to do anymore, just sleep. I get so excited for the moments where I can just be and close my eyes. I'm just so dang tired.

I have never slept very well...i have no idea why, perhaps its the ADD. But regardless, I just don't sleep very well. I have NO problem going to sleep. In fact, the poor Man knows that if I sit down for too long in the evenings, I'm going straight to sleep. However, once we go to bed, that's pretty much the end of it. I would say that I wake up probably 7 or 8 times a night. For no reason, just because something in my head/body wakes up and that's that. I have tried, Ambien (which is awesome stuff), Tylenol PM, Advil PM, and now i'm taking Melatonin. It is good for going to sleep quickly - which comes in handy when I drink an energy drink to late in the day, but still no good in the middle of the night.

I think it is funny that the doctors tell you that sleep aids, such as Ambien, can be addictive. I now it's not funny...but seriously, let's think about it:

1. I go to the doctor because i'm not sleeping
2. Doctor gives me Ambien but tells me it can be addictive and I can't take it too long
3. Go home, take Ambien...sleep like a ROCK!
4. Stop taking Ambien...don't sleep
5. Go back to taking Ambien...sleep like a ROCK

So, here is what is funny - how do you know if you are addicted to it? You can't sleep without it? Well...isn't that the WHOLE reason you started taking it???


And then there are the dreams... I have ALWAYS been a person who has incredibly vivid dreams. My dreams shake me to the core some times, more times than not. I can dream, and wake up and remember every little detail. Unfortunately, they typically are not "good" dreams. But, it's always been that way. Last night was no different. The dream I had was about The Girl and it took me most of the morning to shake the bad feelings I had. If there was one thing I could wish for, for my children, it would be that they do not have such vivid dreams like I do. At least if they are going to, I wish for them to be happy dreams and allow them to wake up feeling good.

Well...off to go find more caffeine... lots more work to do today.

UGH! Work

So one big FLAW I have (one of the many) is that I let things bother me and I can't seem to shake them off easily...

Well, today is one of those days...The Big Boss Man, who says he's going to let British Guy run the company, tells me today that he isn't real sure what I do every day...

WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? OMG

While I know that I have already made a difference in the 3 months that I have been here, it bothers me that he doesn't know that. I am so not one to walk around and toot my own horn, so i'm not going to go to Big Boss Man every day and say "look what i did today". I want those above me to tell him when he asks...I want the British Guy to say "hey, check out what Mommaloo is doing".

But no, that's just not how it works. So I just spent the last hour typing up my "list" of what I have been working on. let me just say, it's a pretty big list if i do say so myself.

I really want Big Boss Man to come to me and say "I had no idea you were doing all of this...good job" But again, no, that's not how it works. I'd be surprised if it even gets acknowledged.

So I'm leaving for lunch...i'm going to go eat lots of carbs...LOTS and maybe i'll feel better when i get back in the office. Because right now...the girly side of me, just would like to sit here and cry a little bit and woller around in my own self pity... But that's not very manager like.

Hot Tamales

Darn you hot tamales!!! You are killing my teeth today... but you are oh so tasty!

Our weekend was good but hectic. The Girl started feeling better late Friday night. The Boy had his Fall Choir Concert on Friday night, and he did fantastic. I know he gets embarrassed by the fact that he is in choir - but you can see it all over him - he LOVE to sing.

The Boy's football team won this weekend - so that always makes the day better. We had The Kinzie-Scotts over for dinner and got up and went to church on Sunday.

OH ...we started our financial planning class Sunday night - and The Man is completely EXCITED about all of this. It is a 3 week class and hopefully the beginning of the end of our financial debt. I'm thinking we might be able to have everything (but the house) paid off within the next 3-5 years. How stinkin' cool would that be??

The Boy's birthday is coming up next month...i have NO idea what to do for him. I can tell you now - we WON'T be doing another sleepover...that is for sure.

OK, back to work...and maybe a few more hot tamales...

ALL MY LOVE

Sickling...

What a horrible mom am I???

the nurse calls this morning at 10:30 and says The Girl is sick... yeah, right. She has spent way too much time in the nurses office for the last two years.

Is she running a fever? No
Is she clammy? no


sure she's sick...


so i pick her up and bring her to work with a sandwich for lunch...

4 bites in...and she is running to the bathroom

Guess i'm headed home now.

Lovely!

Isn't she lovely...Isn't she wonderful

Did you sing that? No, try it again...I'll wait

This is my sweet baby sister. Yes, she's as tall as me...and yes, she and my mother like to point it out ALL the time.

I am so very proud of her. She has come a really long way in the last two years. She is doing fantastic in school, she is involved in the color guard, and seems to be getting along relatively well in with mom. (She's a teenager...you can't ask for a great relationship with a parent)

I was looking through her myspace pictures a little while ago and saw one of my favorite pictures of her. I should have it framed.

She's a pretty good girl...who I think, despite it all, is going to be a fantastic lady. I can't wait.

Guilty Feelings

That's what I get for feeling bad about making The Boy run extras at practice. So we get to practice last night and The Boy starts his extras...I am feeling awful and really just want to take it back. He finally finishes and joins the rest of the team. Practice goes on and I realize that his ADD has kicked in and he has forgotten how angry he was about having to do them. So we go on about our night and all is well...

Fast forward to 6:30 this morning.

"Boy...get up. It's going to be cold today so dress in long sleeves and jeans"

lots of flipping in bed and moaning and groaning

"Boy...get up - you don't want to miss the bus again - did you hear what I said about it being cold today?"

"No"

"OK, it's going to be cold, please get up and dress warmly"

I go back to getting ready after proclaiming that I will not give reminders throughout the morning to prompt him along the away.

Keep in mind - he must leave the house between 7:15 and 7:20 to catch the bus

"It's 7:15...are you going to get ready?"

This then causes a huge state of panic because he has just spent the last 30 minutes sitting at the kitchen table playing with his dry cereal in a bowl and taking his sweet precious time.

He runs out of the door without saying goodbye because...as his sister put it... "G-D ...I'm gonna miss the bus"

As I hear the front door shut I wander out to see if he left, he did. He also left his cell phone on the kitchen counter - I run to get dressed to drive it to him, because if i call him back for it - he is definitely going to miss the bus. I open up the front door ready to run and jump into The Man's truck, because it is already outside, and I'm looking face to face with The Boy...

He missed the bus...again.

That's what I get for feeling guilty about making him run extras...it didn't even accomplish anything.


That's it...I will just take him to school. Apparently, he isn't going to be responsible this year and get himself ready in time. It's too hard on me, it's too hard on him...and we just might not survive this year otherwise.

UGH! What a wonderful way to start the morning.

Extras

So....The Boy has to run extras tonight at football practice. I feel awful and really wish he didn't.

Mornings in our house are ridiculous - The Boy can't get ready and out to the bus stop for the life of him. So, two weeks ago I told him that if he missed the bus - he was going to have to run extras at practice. Well, he missed the bus this morning - completely goofing off all morning.

Now, I know that I shouldn't feel guilty - but I've seen the extras they have to run...i have seen the boys almost throw up from them. He is so going to HATE me tonight. The mom in me really wants to just tell him that this is his warning, but the problem is...he's going to miss it again and I will be right back here again.

Ugh...tonight is going to be awful!

laughing out loud

I love it when others make me laugh at their day...yes, i'm twisted that way. I enjoy the fact that someone else's life is just as crazy as mine and things are not always perfect. H just blogged about her trip to Walmart and it totally made me laugh out loud. I love her because she tells the greatest stories...and she laughs at herself. I figure it takes a lot to laugh at your own problems...she is wonderful.

She makes me laugh because thru it all, she still has a wonderful time throughout her day and a positive attitude, no matter how bad Walmart gets.

Other stuff going on in my crazy life:

Found a youth program at the church we have been going to - off and on for a few months. I'm really excited about this because I feel like it will give The Boy the strength that he needs and the positive influences in his life to help him be the person I know he is. I want him to know that he is enough...he is enough for his friends, he is enough for the girls, he is enough to me, and he is enough to be a completely wonderful person. H and I are going to try to get both of our boys to attend their program. The boys get along pretty well and I think they really enjoy being around each other. Her Boy is crazy tall and The Boy is crazy short...it's kinda funny when they get around each other. But H's Boy is an amazing person and sticks up for The Boy when others pick on him. They compliment each other very well...kinda like the moms.

Work is insane...lots of just hectic craziness. We are in a weird place right now, where we are trying to grow, but we keep taking steps backwards. Maybe it is the growing pains of a small company, but I really hope it gets going in the right direction soon. I have already learned so much and yet so much is still pending...pending approvals, or information, data or...whatever! I still love it, I am just ready to get everyone moving in the same direction and get on to bigger and better things.

The girl...oh The Girl. I'm not entirely sure what is going on with The Girl...but good grief. Every day is a battle. I think she is in a weird transition from little girl to ...well whatever comes next. Some days she is super sassy and telling the world what her rules are going to be and other days she is crying like she is 2. I really really hope we all make it thru this in one piece. Days like yesterday...i really have to stop and wonder.

Fundraisers...OMG. Please please put a stop to all the fundraisers. So far...since August...we have had a two fundraisers for cheerleading, two for football, one for 6th grade in general, one for 6th grade band, one for 6th grade choir, and two for 2nd grade. REALLY...how in the heck am I supposed to really do all of these. 9 fundraisers in 3 months is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous. They aren't even good fundraisers...for the love of Pete people, I don't know that many people to sell this crap too. Soooo, because you can't send them back to school with nothing sold...i have bought the stuff. It amazes me, because we do all of these fundraisers...and our kids still don't have enough books to bring home for homework.

The Man has been absolutely wonderful lately. We had a big "talk" a few weeks ago and I feel like it really got us back on the same page. I think things are going pretty good for us. We are making a really big effort to have date night once a week. H makes me laugh because she keeps asking to have the kids come over during that time - i think it weirds her out that they are staying by themselves. I love our date nights though, it really gives us some time to just talk without other kidlike distractions.

OK, well...back to it - must appear like I am really working


All my love

Too many to choose from

Now, I know that the rule of photography is that you have to be willing to throw some images away. And while, I did pretty good - I still saved way too many. I'll only post some of my favorites here...hope you like them.

Woo Hoo!!

I got the family pics done!! Now i'm off to edit them, fingers crossed that I can get them posted today

Ready....set....WEEKEND

OK...I am going to get these family pictures done this weekend.

Tonight: football practice and date night

Saturday: Girl's soccer game at 10:30 am; go buy jeans for Girl and Boy; Football game at 8:00pm

Sunday: get up and go take pictures; go to church; do laundry


Please cross your fingers that they actually get done this weekend...if i keep waiting, I'm going to run out of pretty trees and be left with only twigs.


All my love

Positive Thoughts

Some days it is so hard to stay positive. It is not in my nature. Unfortunately, I have a really hard time staying positive and looking for the good in people. I am far too cynical. This week is full of those days. It seems sometimes that things just get incredibly overwhelming. Nothing that I could really list out for you...just everything.

There is so much I want to do and just never enough time to get it all done. I have lists...boy, do I have lists. I know that is what I need to see the progress that I make, but good grief, sometimes I just want to skip to the fun stuff. The stuff that makes my soul happy.

The Girl and I had a really rough morning today and that started the day off on a bad note...I wish I could rebound as well as she does. She got out of the car at school today like nothing had happened. I, on the other hand, am still bothered by it 3 hours later. She is so dramatic (not that I know where she gets that from) and some times it is just more than I can take...especially when we are trying to get out of the house in the mornings. I'm sure if I would just get up 45 minutes earlier and be ready by the time I got them out of bed things would go a lot better, but darn it...I really enjoy my sleep.

Onward and upward...today is GOING to be a good day. I am putting it out there, so it has to be.



All my love

Love it when things work out

So, this past weekend I attempted another baby shoot. Lord knows this is gonna take a lot of practice, but I learned a lot between the first one and this one. Things I will do differently, things I won't do, what to wear (me - not the subject). I also learned that I prefer outdoor shots than indoor. I am not a formal photographer...i prefer to do things a little more relaxed and more "real life".

Here is a shot from the first time (baby was 7 days old)



and these are from this weekends adventure...




the first one from this weekend is much better but the second one makes my heart smile. Happy 3 Month Birthday E.


all my love

Thankful

I'm thankful for
1. Spark from advocare...it's my version of coffee
2. The Man - he's been pretty cool lately...even if he is making me go watch a football movie
3. H...you truly make me want to be a happier and better person
4. The Boy - you may be stubborn, but I am so very proud of everything you do
5. The Girl - you amaze me every day with what you can accomplish and the person that you are
6. no more infection....yeah!!!
7. The job...every day is a new and interesting day
8. The Wise One...i can't wait until you come to town again

Work

First, let me say that I love my job. It is filled with new challenges every day and sometimes that comes excitement...sometimes a little irritation.

I work for a very small company that is trying to grow...we have faith! I have spent the last couple of months cleaning up the messes of others and trying to organize the heck out of the place. In between all of that, I have all the other "stuff" that must get done. Sometimes there are just not enough hours in the day. I feel sometimes that I bit off way more than I could chew and that I am not truly qualified for this job, but I still trudge through and continue to learn every day. I have wonderful friends and family that are great resources for me. The Wise One is the person that I rely on the most, with work issues and family issues...she is an amazing person and never lets me know that she is tired of me asking questions. I love her for that.

So anyway, back to work...yesterday I was given a resume of an individual that we are looking at bringing on to the company...now let me stress - "we" means pretty much everyone BUT me...I don't usually get a say in these things, nor do i understand why we hire the people we hire - but I digress. As I call him to get him to fill out an employment application and background consent, I can tell by his voice that he is...well...a good ol' boy. You have to understand that for this industry...our field guys pretty much just need to be a good ol' boy and willing to get the job done at all costs. (she says as she gulps and knows that this is just another person that has no experience) I receive his application back and just immediately chuckle because this is just another example...One of the questions on the employment application asks if they have had any accidents in the last 3 years. His response "not sure"

REALLY???

Did you hit the car or not? Did your car have an impact on any other object?

Wait, it really does get better... next question "If so, how many"

response "Not positive"

OMG...yeah, i can't WAIT to run this guy's background.

Another day...another dollar.

Man I love my job!



All my love

Kidneys

Darn you kidneys....darn you!!

Upward and Onward

OK, so moving on to a more positive note...

We didn't have football practice last night and it was quite nice to go enjoy dinner with the family during the week. The football coach wants to take the team to a movie Friday night, so that will be exciting for the boys (and the coaches). Our football team is officially 3-0 now - the boys are going to the playoffs!!

I wasn't able to take any pictures this weekend, but hopefully next weekend will prove to be a little better for photo opps.

This week is going to be a good week... (positive thoughts out there for my Kharma)

Thankful for:
1. my family - i love them so very much...no matter how crazy everyone is
2. the fall weather...it's coming - i know it is
3. my husband - he loves me so much he's willing to cry in front of group of people just because he sees how my heart is breaking
4. my friends...few and far between but completely wonderful

All my love

My heart breaks

My best friends mother passed away this morning...

My heart breaks for my friend as she deals with this terrible loss and helps her two small children deal with it as well.

I have known her for twenty years or so and at a point in my life her mom was almost a second mother to me. I spent many summers with their family and even after we lost touch for 4 or 5 years, we were still able to jump right back in to our friendship and sense of family. Growing up, her mother was someone that I truly enjoyed being around, she was strong, beautiful, and had a good heart. While daughter and mother had a twisted relationship..and they always have...they still loved each other. Even recently now that my friend has two small children of her own, they could still be absolutely furious with each other and then go shopping a few days later. A love/hate relationship definitely described them. I remember a photo of her mother when I was younger that made me think she was one of the most beautiful people in the world. And when I was over there, she treated me as a daughter and made me feel so much at ease when things in my life were turned upside down.

She loved her kids the best way she knew how. It wasn't always what they needed or how they needed it, but she did love them. Recent revelations have put a little bit of a different perspective on the relationships she held with them and those in their lives, and some of those things are going to cause some anger later on. I wish I could help my friend and her brother through this, however I know that they must each take it one day at a time.

My friends daughter, who is 4, looked at her and asked "why are you sad that grandma went to be with Jesus? Doesn't that mean that she isn't sick anymore and she feels better?" It was in that question that I realized that our children see things so clearly and so simply... She has such an innocence about her that she doesn't know all the things that have happened over the years, all the fights, all the harsh words that were between many people...and she doesn't need to. All she needs to know is that Grandma is with Jesus and she isn't sick anymore.

My wish for my friend and her family is that they can find some peace through all of this and know that no matter what, they were loved...even if it didn't feel like it sometimes.

I sit here and I try my hardest to keep it together...i'm at work, so it's probably not great that I break out in tears. I need to be strong for my friend. I also need to tell my kids tonight...that is going to hurt. At one point The Boy decided that he was going to do a car wash to raise money and donate it to the American Lung Cancer Society...he makes my heart smile knowing that he is so incredibly compassionate. The Boy and The Girl both made get well cards...it broke my heart because I was not able to tell them at the time that she wasn't going to get well. I want to go home and hold them all and tell them how much I love them and how proud I am of them.

As I type this, Josh Groban plays in the background and it makes my heart break. My heart breaks for sadness they will feel as the days and weeks go on, it breaks for those two sweet kids who will not truly understand all that is happening, my heart breaks as a small chapter in my life ends.

My heart breaks....


all my love

Whew! What a week

Well the convention is finally over...THANK GOODNESS!!!

Unfortunately, it was a complete waste of 3 days and my feet are so very angry with me. High heels and concrete floors do NOT go very well together. I have already informed The Man that I will be in my slippers all weekend. Fortunately for me, they ALMOST look like shoes...

My in-laws are coming in for the weekend so I really must start making a menu of what i am going to feed them over the weekend. The are going to get to see The Boy play football and The Girl cheer...i'm so excited for them. All fingers crossed that The Boy can pull it together and actually get some playing time this weekend.

So here is a question I have been battling with lately...how do you get an 11 (almost 12) year old boy to understand the importance of school and getting his homework done correctly. God completely blessed me with both of my children and gave me brilliant little ones...HOWEVER, they are extremely lazy and don't work very hard at their school work. I will completely give it to both of them, they have never really had to work hard...until now. The Boy is in middle school and taking all Pre-AP classes. He failed two tests over the last couple of weeks and when I reviewed the material with him afterwards - he completely knew all the answers. I just don't get it. He is in such a rush to get done that he absolutely refuses to go back and read his answers before he turns it in. Fortunately, we have great teachers and they both allowed him to go in and retake the tests...the math shot up to a 90 and the science test...well it got up to a 71...but that is MUCH better than the previous grade. He is so very capable but refuses to take the time to ensure that he really read the questions and wrote in the right answer... Any suggestions...

Still need to get the family pictures done...although i'm really starting to wonder when that's ever going to happen...hopefully before all the leaves fall off of the trees.

OMG....must get to the store and get stuff to make spirit sticks....REALLY must get that done


Today I'm thankful for:
1. The show being over
2. The love of The Man
3. my job...every day is a learning experience
4. the patience of those that surround me



All my love