April 29, 2009

Sleepless nights

OK, so seriously...I really need to get some sleep. If it's not one thing or another I have had so many sleepless nights.  Last night it was the photography.  The Man and I started talking about what is going on right now and what possible avenues we can go down.  Photography has become an overwhelming passion...maybe even an addiction.  I can get lost in blog land looking at picture and reading about other's experiences.  I have a burning desire to jump into this full force.  After this weekend I will have made enough to buy my next lens.  After that...some new software, then the indoor studio.  I am so close...and yet still so far away.  I can taste it.  It consumes almost every thought.  

I have a tendency to doubt myself.  I look at other photos and I think...my pictures are SOOOO much better.  But then I come back to my usual go-to photog blogs and I get overwhelmed with...mine are SOOOO not near what their quality is.  I see what other photogs are charging and just don't feel comfortable charging those prices.  How do they get there?  What gives them the power to feel confident that people will pay those prices??  The questions tend to take over and bog me down.

But little by little...I am growing. I am getting better.  I look at my pictures and sometimes really amaze myself.  

I am trying to have faith in myself...but it is hard.  It is hard to not let the little voices inside take over.  It's hard to believe that I can do this.  But my champions keep on...they keep believing...they keep pushing...and out of nowhere...someone else wants to book a shoot with me.

So I keep fighting...and I keep trying...and I keep learning...and I keep looking for the approval...and ... I keep finding it.

April 28, 2009


So this week is my last with my current company. While it is a little sad because I will miss the people, they are a great group of people, I will NOT miss the drama and craziness. I have had some very kind comments made to me as people hear the news that I am leaving. It truly touches my heart when they tell me that they will miss me.

When I came here, I firmly believed I could change the world and fix all the problems within the company and get it headed in the right direction. Little did I know, they didn't really want someone to come in and change the world. I think they only hired me because they are "supposed" to have an HR person on staff. It really has been quite comical over the last 6 months or so. They want to know the right way to do something, they just want to be able to do it there way...the two don't really go hand in hand.

But back to the kindness. The field guys are up to something...I know it. I had one call yesterday and ask for a photo because he was going to build a memorial :) He said that I was the only one that has ever fought for them. He is right...but that was my job. It was my job to look out for the best interest of the company....AND the employees. It was my job to make sure things flowed smoothly for all parties involved. Anyway....another field guy asked me what size shirt I wear.... HUH?? why in the world do you need to know that? I didn't ask. I figured why ruin the surprise. They are all super sweet. Just a group of good ol' boys...super rough on the exterior but amazing once you get to know them. I think they really needed someone to come in and take care of them and make sure that they weren't always getting the short end of the stick.

They will be truly missed.

April 23, 2009


Because I said a couple of posts ago that I would elaborate on what I have been waiting for...Here you go.

I am leaving my current job and will start doing some contract HR work. This will allow me to learn more and have a little more stability in my career than what I currently have. It is a great opportunity with two good companies. Plus the people are dynamite!

I will finish out next week here and then move on to bigger and better things. Everything happens for a reason and while I am completely tired of going from job to job, this is something that will hopefully be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

Whoo Hoo!!

April 22, 2009

a couple of things

So the next couple of weeks are going to be crazy...and I mean CRAZY. This weekend is literally filled with more activities than are humanly possible...but we will get it all done, or at least most of it.

i also have to, at some point, figure out how to make a toga. I mean a REALLY great toga. I have a couple of ideas and I think I will go tomorrow at lunch to find the fabric.

We have a toga party coming up in two weekends and then a night at Pete's the weekend after that. Lots to do, but it will be a lot of fun too.

Oh.....I'm turning 30 in the next few weeks. Shhhhh...let's not make it a big deal. Last year somehow my birthday got missed altogether. I think that is why i like to just keep it quiet because I don't like getting disappointed. This year we are trying a different approach.

April 20, 2009

Weekend wrap up

I am not a patient person...if you know me, you know that. I can't stand waiting, when I'm done with something...I'm done with it. I am ready to walk through that next open door and see what it holds for me. I HATE waiting. Hopefully later this week I will have some good news to share...but you have to wait too.

This past weekend we took the kids back home and celebrated my sisters 16th birthday party. I know she was disappointed because we could not do what she originally had planned, due to the weather, but it was a good weekend nonetheless. We went to a sweet little pottery place and the kids painted some stuff and The Man and I did mosaics. I can't wait to have the time to finish them up. It was different, but it was fun. I think kids always have a good time when they can create things and let their little brains work some overtime. I will post pictures once we get the items shipped to us. It was fun to just sit around and chit chat.

We saw the rest of the family on Sunday before we headed back and it went pretty good. There is always some tense moments when we all show our ugly side, but we try to reign it back in quickly. We are so much alike and the things that drive us crazy...well we all do them.

Overall it was a good weekend. I still can't believe that my baby sister turns 16 today. So very crazy.

Later today I will post some of my favorites from my two shoots this weekend over at the MaddiePie Creations blog.

April 17, 2009

On the road

Blogging while The Man drives...how sweet it is.

Fortunately we made it to the OK/TX border in less than an hour and a half.  It stopped raining soon after we got started, I am really hoping that we are behind the storm and can make it the majority of the way without any storms.  If we can keep it up we should be there before 9:00.  


Rain Rain go away...at least long enough to let us get up to Tulsa safely today. After that...rain all you want...well until Sunday when we have to drive home again.

I HATE driving in the rain. My car DOES NOT do well in the rain. Super cute car, not super safe with wet roads.

My baby sister is turning 16...REALLY??? that just does NOT seem right at all. but then again, it doesn't seem right that my super sweet cousin (who is 17) is planning to attend his junior prom...and it doesn't seem right that I am turning 30 in a few weeks.... UGH!

ok, I am headed off to lunch to knock out a few errands before we leave town.

April 15, 2009

Good timing

I love it when things work out for the best. Something that has been a big stressor for me over the last couple of weeks...a solution has been found. It's funny how we worry and worry about things but they always seem to be taken care of...one way or another.


April 9, 2009

Maddiepie - new pics

New pics posted. Click on the logo to see them.

April 8, 2009

Reality TV

So, I TOTALLY needed tonight.  I am exhausted and I really think that is what has been wrong lately.  

I left work a little early, picked up The Girl and got her home and dressed for softball practice, dropped The Girl and The Boy off at practice and headed to my photo shoot, The Man FINALLY got off work and went to the kids.  I picked up The Girl and the two boys went to an 8:00pm baseball game (yes...on a school night) which didn't end up starting until 8:30...nice!  So The Girl and I headed home and just vegged out.  She cleaned up her room and then camped out in my bed and I started a load of laundry and watched last night's American Idol and flipped over to Jon & Kate + 8.  

I had heard a couple of people talk about this show, but Lord knows we are NEVER home long enough to watch tv.  15 minutes into the show I DVR'd all the shows going forward.  I have now realized that God knew EXACTLY what he was doing giving me only these two kids.  To see all the different personalities and the dynamics within this family is really funny.  I just cannot imagine having two twins and a set of sextuplets.  UNREAL!

So it sounds like a hectic evening...but for us, it was quite calm.  I PROBABLY should have picked up the house a little bit...but nah!  I'm just gonna sit here and wait for my boys to get home...at 10freakin30.  The Boy IS NEVER going to wake up in the morning. NEVER!!!!!

Oh well, they won their game.  That's a plus.

April 7, 2009


I need to refocus and find my center...or my happy place...or some sort of peace with the craziness in our lives.


I want to be one of those people that can control their emotions. I want to let things roll off my sleeve like it's no big thing. I want to be rational.

But alas...I am not.

I am the complete polar opposite. I get my feelings hurt WAY too easy. If I am having a rough day, you can see it all over me. I have a hard time not getting consumed by the negative.

But I am trying.

I am trying to find peace with everything. I am trying to be a better person. I am trying to find meaning in everything that happens, everything that is said, everything that comes across my path. I am trying to find my place. I am trying to reign in my emotions and not let them guide me.

I love my life, and I am so very blessed. I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful children, family and friends that love me. I have a job. I am capable. I am thankful for everything that we have in our lives.

But sometimes...those other moments get a little too heavy. But tomorrow is a new day and full of new possibilities.

Sorry...I really don't mean to be so negative..I'm working on that too. I just don't quite know how to bottle it up and hide it.

April 6, 2009

It has been a crazy week or so.  Work has spiraled out of control, the kids sports are kicking my rear end, we are just so busy and I swear sometimes I am not treading water as well as I would like.  

We got together with some friends this past weekend and it reminded me how much i missed them.  It also reminded me that I hate not being enough.  It breaks my heart that we are not fun enough, not pretty enough, not crazy enough, just not enough in general.  I wonder if I will ever be enough?

I have had a really good thing going with the photography.  I have a little boy scheduled for his easter/1 year old pictures this weekend, a family shoot in tulsa next weekend, two soccer teams the following weekend and a quinceneara two weekends after that.  I am so excited and really just cannot wait to get all of these under way.  I am so blessed that a great friend thought of me for her son's soccer team pictures...because really?? who likes the boring old team pictures that they schedule.  So not only will I get to do their pics, but the coach also has another team that he wants me to shoot.  I am so blessed and really feel like this is where my path is taking me.  Maybe one day it will be a full time gig!!

Work kinda took a nose dive this past week, but I am trying to be proactive about it and make the best out of the situation.  I think this will be the first time that I have ever had two jobs.  But that is ok...as The Wise One has always told me "short term sacrifices for long term goals".  And while I dont really HAVE to get a 2nd job, we are trying really hard to pay down our debt and this will help me stay that course.

I talked to an old friend tonight and after I hung up the phone my heart was sad.  She is still grieving so much for her mother and we have really drifted apart.  I truly wish there was something that I could say that would help hear her heart...make her find her "Joy" again.  I honestly can't imagine the things she has dealt with over the last year.  Coming up in July will be the one year anniversary of when they found out that her mother was terribly ill...and a week after that will be the one year anniversary of finding out that her son had lead poisoning.  He, by the way, is doing much better.  He still has to be tested very often, but he is so close to being completely better.  She should get his latest test results this week and that will let them know how much longer they must have him tested.  I miss her.  I miss being able to laugh about things together.  I miss...I just miss her.  I miss seeing them, I miss hugging her, I miss the carefree relationship we had.  I know it is not fair of me, and I would never want her to feel bad, because I understand that she has to find her way thru all of this.  But I miss her.

OK, The Man needs me.  Must get off the computer.  Good night and may tomorrow be filled with nothing but goodness.

April 1, 2009

Back from San Francisco

What a wonderful trip. The Man and I had such a wonderful time. We saw so much and there was still so much to see. We met wonderful people...ABSOLUTELY wonderful people. We drank, we danced, we walked, we saw, we got all dressed up, we walked some more, we experienced an earthquake, we got our flight delayed, and we had beautiful weather. I am so proud of The Man, it was a very big deal and he got some really good face time with some of the people higher up in the company. Good things are to come for him...I just know it.

They made bread into different shapes...this day it was alligators and turtles.

Before the big dinner...

and of course some of the beautiful sites around town