October 7, 2009


Tomorrow is the day we go to the cardiologist. I have done really well the last week or so and haven't burst into tears. It took me a good week + to be able to say what was going on with The Boy's heart without just completely sobbing like an idiot. I had to remind myself that there is a plan and everything happens for a reason.

But now that we are here...just 12 hours from meeting with this new doctor, I am scared to death. I am so scared of hearing bad news. But I do know in my heart that it will be ok, whatever the outcome is. I know that I am so very blessed to have made it 12 (almost 13) years without finding out about this hole in some other horrible manner. We are here today for a reason. He is a remarkable kid and I know that everything will be ok.

But...I am sick to my stomach. I am praying that regardless of the news I am able to maintain my composure in front of him. He knows I am a worrier...so is he. I want to be his rock. I want to be the strong one that reassures him that no matter what the course of treatment is...it is all going to be ok.

So now that today is done and we have tucked both of the hooligans in their beds and hollered up the stairs to be quiet more times than we care to count...I am wishing that tomorrow would wait just a little bit longer.

On the flip side, I am happy that tomorrow is here. We will have a plan. I will be able to ask all the questions floating around in my head. We will know where this journey is going to start. We will be able to hopefully receive a little bit of reassurance.

Our doctor is new to this hospital. I noticed on all of the paperwork i filled out that his name was not on any of it. I pray that he is knowledgeable, compassionate, comforting, and spiritual. I pray that he isn't new to medicine. I pray that he will know best. I pray...that he says a prayer.

Tonight The Boy went to church and talked about his heart. This is the first time I think he has done this. They prayed over him. I pray that it was enough.

I know that tomorrow is only going to leave me with more questions...and that is ok. It will be a start. A start to something....good news or not so good news...it will be a start. More than anything, it is another day. We will take it one day at a time and trust in those around us, those far away, and those up above that our prayers will give us peace with whatever we learn tomorrow.