So sleepy

Good grief I am sleepy. I mean, seriously - I could just lay my head over on my desk and sleep for a while. That's pretty much all i want to do anymore, just sleep. I get so excited for the moments where I can just be and close my eyes. I'm just so dang tired.

I have never slept very well...i have no idea why, perhaps its the ADD. But regardless, I just don't sleep very well. I have NO problem going to sleep. In fact, the poor Man knows that if I sit down for too long in the evenings, I'm going straight to sleep. However, once we go to bed, that's pretty much the end of it. I would say that I wake up probably 7 or 8 times a night. For no reason, just because something in my head/body wakes up and that's that. I have tried, Ambien (which is awesome stuff), Tylenol PM, Advil PM, and now i'm taking Melatonin. It is good for going to sleep quickly - which comes in handy when I drink an energy drink to late in the day, but still no good in the middle of the night.

I think it is funny that the doctors tell you that sleep aids, such as Ambien, can be addictive. I now it's not funny...but seriously, let's think about it:

1. I go to the doctor because i'm not sleeping
2. Doctor gives me Ambien but tells me it can be addictive and I can't take it too long
3. Go home, take Ambien...sleep like a ROCK!
4. Stop taking Ambien...don't sleep
5. Go back to taking Ambien...sleep like a ROCK

So, here is what is funny - how do you know if you are addicted to it? You can't sleep without it? Well...isn't that the WHOLE reason you started taking it???


And then there are the dreams... I have ALWAYS been a person who has incredibly vivid dreams. My dreams shake me to the core some times, more times than not. I can dream, and wake up and remember every little detail. Unfortunately, they typically are not "good" dreams. But, it's always been that way. Last night was no different. The dream I had was about The Girl and it took me most of the morning to shake the bad feelings I had. If there was one thing I could wish for, for my children, it would be that they do not have such vivid dreams like I do. At least if they are going to, I wish for them to be happy dreams and allow them to wake up feeling good.

Well...off to go find more caffeine... lots more work to do today.

UGH! Work

So one big FLAW I have (one of the many) is that I let things bother me and I can't seem to shake them off easily...

Well, today is one of those days...The Big Boss Man, who says he's going to let British Guy run the company, tells me today that he isn't real sure what I do every day...

WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? OMG

While I know that I have already made a difference in the 3 months that I have been here, it bothers me that he doesn't know that. I am so not one to walk around and toot my own horn, so i'm not going to go to Big Boss Man every day and say "look what i did today". I want those above me to tell him when he asks...I want the British Guy to say "hey, check out what Mommaloo is doing".

But no, that's just not how it works. So I just spent the last hour typing up my "list" of what I have been working on. let me just say, it's a pretty big list if i do say so myself.

I really want Big Boss Man to come to me and say "I had no idea you were doing all of this...good job" But again, no, that's not how it works. I'd be surprised if it even gets acknowledged.

So I'm leaving for lunch...i'm going to go eat lots of carbs...LOTS and maybe i'll feel better when i get back in the office. Because right now...the girly side of me, just would like to sit here and cry a little bit and woller around in my own self pity... But that's not very manager like.

Hot Tamales

Darn you hot tamales!!! You are killing my teeth today... but you are oh so tasty!

Our weekend was good but hectic. The Girl started feeling better late Friday night. The Boy had his Fall Choir Concert on Friday night, and he did fantastic. I know he gets embarrassed by the fact that he is in choir - but you can see it all over him - he LOVE to sing.

The Boy's football team won this weekend - so that always makes the day better. We had The Kinzie-Scotts over for dinner and got up and went to church on Sunday.

OH ...we started our financial planning class Sunday night - and The Man is completely EXCITED about all of this. It is a 3 week class and hopefully the beginning of the end of our financial debt. I'm thinking we might be able to have everything (but the house) paid off within the next 3-5 years. How stinkin' cool would that be??

The Boy's birthday is coming up next month...i have NO idea what to do for him. I can tell you now - we WON'T be doing another sleepover...that is for sure.

OK, back to work...and maybe a few more hot tamales...

ALL MY LOVE

Sickling...

What a horrible mom am I???

the nurse calls this morning at 10:30 and says The Girl is sick... yeah, right. She has spent way too much time in the nurses office for the last two years.

Is she running a fever? No
Is she clammy? no


sure she's sick...


so i pick her up and bring her to work with a sandwich for lunch...

4 bites in...and she is running to the bathroom

Guess i'm headed home now.

Lovely!

Isn't she lovely...Isn't she wonderful

Did you sing that? No, try it again...I'll wait

This is my sweet baby sister. Yes, she's as tall as me...and yes, she and my mother like to point it out ALL the time.

I am so very proud of her. She has come a really long way in the last two years. She is doing fantastic in school, she is involved in the color guard, and seems to be getting along relatively well in with mom. (She's a teenager...you can't ask for a great relationship with a parent)

I was looking through her myspace pictures a little while ago and saw one of my favorite pictures of her. I should have it framed.

She's a pretty good girl...who I think, despite it all, is going to be a fantastic lady. I can't wait.

Guilty Feelings

That's what I get for feeling bad about making The Boy run extras at practice. So we get to practice last night and The Boy starts his extras...I am feeling awful and really just want to take it back. He finally finishes and joins the rest of the team. Practice goes on and I realize that his ADD has kicked in and he has forgotten how angry he was about having to do them. So we go on about our night and all is well...

Fast forward to 6:30 this morning.

"Boy...get up. It's going to be cold today so dress in long sleeves and jeans"

lots of flipping in bed and moaning and groaning

"Boy...get up - you don't want to miss the bus again - did you hear what I said about it being cold today?"

"No"

"OK, it's going to be cold, please get up and dress warmly"

I go back to getting ready after proclaiming that I will not give reminders throughout the morning to prompt him along the away.

Keep in mind - he must leave the house between 7:15 and 7:20 to catch the bus

"It's 7:15...are you going to get ready?"

This then causes a huge state of panic because he has just spent the last 30 minutes sitting at the kitchen table playing with his dry cereal in a bowl and taking his sweet precious time.

He runs out of the door without saying goodbye because...as his sister put it... "G-D ...I'm gonna miss the bus"

As I hear the front door shut I wander out to see if he left, he did. He also left his cell phone on the kitchen counter - I run to get dressed to drive it to him, because if i call him back for it - he is definitely going to miss the bus. I open up the front door ready to run and jump into The Man's truck, because it is already outside, and I'm looking face to face with The Boy...

He missed the bus...again.

That's what I get for feeling guilty about making him run extras...it didn't even accomplish anything.


That's it...I will just take him to school. Apparently, he isn't going to be responsible this year and get himself ready in time. It's too hard on me, it's too hard on him...and we just might not survive this year otherwise.

UGH! What a wonderful way to start the morning.

Extras

So....The Boy has to run extras tonight at football practice. I feel awful and really wish he didn't.

Mornings in our house are ridiculous - The Boy can't get ready and out to the bus stop for the life of him. So, two weeks ago I told him that if he missed the bus - he was going to have to run extras at practice. Well, he missed the bus this morning - completely goofing off all morning.

Now, I know that I shouldn't feel guilty - but I've seen the extras they have to run...i have seen the boys almost throw up from them. He is so going to HATE me tonight. The mom in me really wants to just tell him that this is his warning, but the problem is...he's going to miss it again and I will be right back here again.

Ugh...tonight is going to be awful!

laughing out loud

I love it when others make me laugh at their day...yes, i'm twisted that way. I enjoy the fact that someone else's life is just as crazy as mine and things are not always perfect. H just blogged about her trip to Walmart and it totally made me laugh out loud. I love her because she tells the greatest stories...and she laughs at herself. I figure it takes a lot to laugh at your own problems...she is wonderful.

She makes me laugh because thru it all, she still has a wonderful time throughout her day and a positive attitude, no matter how bad Walmart gets.

Other stuff going on in my crazy life:

Found a youth program at the church we have been going to - off and on for a few months. I'm really excited about this because I feel like it will give The Boy the strength that he needs and the positive influences in his life to help him be the person I know he is. I want him to know that he is enough...he is enough for his friends, he is enough for the girls, he is enough to me, and he is enough to be a completely wonderful person. H and I are going to try to get both of our boys to attend their program. The boys get along pretty well and I think they really enjoy being around each other. Her Boy is crazy tall and The Boy is crazy short...it's kinda funny when they get around each other. But H's Boy is an amazing person and sticks up for The Boy when others pick on him. They compliment each other very well...kinda like the moms.

Work is insane...lots of just hectic craziness. We are in a weird place right now, where we are trying to grow, but we keep taking steps backwards. Maybe it is the growing pains of a small company, but I really hope it gets going in the right direction soon. I have already learned so much and yet so much is still pending...pending approvals, or information, data or...whatever! I still love it, I am just ready to get everyone moving in the same direction and get on to bigger and better things.

The girl...oh The Girl. I'm not entirely sure what is going on with The Girl...but good grief. Every day is a battle. I think she is in a weird transition from little girl to ...well whatever comes next. Some days she is super sassy and telling the world what her rules are going to be and other days she is crying like she is 2. I really really hope we all make it thru this in one piece. Days like yesterday...i really have to stop and wonder.

Fundraisers...OMG. Please please put a stop to all the fundraisers. So far...since August...we have had a two fundraisers for cheerleading, two for football, one for 6th grade in general, one for 6th grade band, one for 6th grade choir, and two for 2nd grade. REALLY...how in the heck am I supposed to really do all of these. 9 fundraisers in 3 months is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous. They aren't even good fundraisers...for the love of Pete people, I don't know that many people to sell this crap too. Soooo, because you can't send them back to school with nothing sold...i have bought the stuff. It amazes me, because we do all of these fundraisers...and our kids still don't have enough books to bring home for homework.

The Man has been absolutely wonderful lately. We had a big "talk" a few weeks ago and I feel like it really got us back on the same page. I think things are going pretty good for us. We are making a really big effort to have date night once a week. H makes me laugh because she keeps asking to have the kids come over during that time - i think it weirds her out that they are staying by themselves. I love our date nights though, it really gives us some time to just talk without other kidlike distractions.

OK, well...back to it - must appear like I am really working


All my love

Too many to choose from

Now, I know that the rule of photography is that you have to be willing to throw some images away. And while, I did pretty good - I still saved way too many. I'll only post some of my favorites here...hope you like them.

Woo Hoo!!

I got the family pics done!! Now i'm off to edit them, fingers crossed that I can get them posted today